09 May 2010

Last DN column: Week of May 3

Last. Column. Ever. I’m graduating, so y’all don’t have to read what I write anymore!

I don’t want to write one of those sappy last columns where I tell you all of the stuff I’ve learned in college and give you advice on your life. Because I literally have none of the answers.

Actually, I’ve figured out in the last four years of my life that none of us have the answers. If you had asked me four years ago today where I would be right now, I would have told you I would be graduating from the University of Minnesota, getting ready to go to law school. I could never have guessed that I would’ve ended up at the University of Nebraska spending my final semester in Spain.

But it’s better that way. John Lennon said that life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans. He couldn’t have been more correct.

I spent college obsessing about what law schools to go to. Now I don’t even want to go to law school. I had my life so planned out that I didn’t think I had time to study abroad. I’ve done it twice. I figured I’d still be with the same guy I was when I graduated high school. I don’t even talk to him anymore.

I have no idea where I’m going to be living in three months, and four years ago that would have scared the shit out of me. Now, I just look at it as a world of opportunities. I realize that everyone has a different college experience. Some people get the most out of their classes. Some get the most out of the people they meet. As for me, I’ve gotten the most out of the places I’ve been.

I probably owe that to all of the bad times I went through. I came to Spain hoping to learn Spanish, travel Europe, and make some new friends. But I also came to get over my past, the things in my life that I couldn’t run away from on campus. I accomplished everything I wanted to, and learned something very important along the way. Sometimes life sucks, and you just have to move on. You can’t forget what has happened in life, because it teaches you something and helps shape you into a more complete person. But you have to let it go.

Spain is good for that. Europe is good for that. But you probably don’t have to travel halfway across the world to figure that out. You could do it in your apartment in Lincoln if you wanted. Some of you figured it out years ago. For me, it took a more dramatic experience.

And I’m not done learning about myself, or life, yet. In fact, don’t think of this as my last column ever. It’s more like the beginning of something new. Of course, I have no idea what that something is.

I may have lied at the beginning of this column. I did want to tell you about what I’ve learned in college. I did want to give you advice for your life.

Not advice like the best places on campus to park and not get tickets (although I thought about it – then I figured parking services would just start checking those places more often). Not advice about what courses to take (but if you’re looking for a good one, I suggest anything with Dr. Combs in the political science department). Nothing on where to rent an apartment (Lionsgate at 48th and Vine) or the best chill-out bar in town (Barrymore’s).

I actually want to give you advice on how not to take other people’s advice. Live your own life. Yeah, take some suggestions and even try a few of them out. But don’t live your life according to someone else’s rules.

If you want to take a siesta everyday, figure out how to. If that means moving to Spain, do it! If you feel detached from your family, spend the summer living with your grandparents. If you have a hard time coping with your fears, go skydiving and just get it out all at once.

If you don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life, good for you. Keep your options open. Figure out where you should be right now and that’ll help you figure out where you should be later on.

Most of all, respect yourself and the people around you. Because that’s what life is about. People. The people you love, hate, and could not care less about. And there is only one way to learn about them – live your life. Experience. Stop worrying and start doing.

It took me about 22 years too long to learn that lesson. It took traveling to five continents, attempting suicide, raising a puppy. Missing my grandmother’s funeral for some stupid class. Writing a column about my racist ancestors because I’m so ashamed of them. Loving and having my heart broken. Eating cereal for dinner every night because I’m such a bad cook. And a lot of people.

If I ever hurt you, I’m sorry. If I made you laugh, I’m happy. If my politics angered you, good. Dialogues are important. If you ever learned anything from me, I am honored. I can tell you one thing about the rest of my life right now, and that is this: I will be a better person for every one of you who has touched my life. I don’t have all of the answers, but you have helped me to realize that that is okay.

And that is the best lesson I ever could have learned.